Maybe You Need to Fast from Men???

I've talked to a lot of different women about a lot of different issues and one that seems to come up often is the "need" for male attention. I was thinking about this this morning and a thought popped into my head: fast from men. Yep you read that right! If you are a woman that struggles with looking for and craving male attention maybe you need to FAST from men.

If you are a woman who deals with this issue I have a question for you: Have you ever taken time away from contact with men that are not family? Like no texting, calling, hanging out, flirting, etc? Of course men are everywhere but I mean communicating with them.
If not, I think it would be good for you. And this includes male friends. Or should I say "friends". Does the thought of doing this make you cringe? Yes? Then this blog post is for you my friend.

You may ask "how in the WORLD do I fast from men? They're everywhere!" I say, be creative! Just think of the ways you are in contact with them now and stop doing those things for a period of time. You may ask "what about my guy friends that I talk to on a regular basis? Should I just disappear on them? Is that right?" Welllll, maybe the ones that are genuinely "friends" deserve a "heads up" that you're taking some time for yourself  to refocus and that you won’t be in contact with them for “____” amount of time. Sound fair? Just don't allow them to talk you out of this commitment that you're making to yourself. No one will die if they don't talk to you for a few weeks. I promise!

So, what has been your contact of choice? Texting, Facebook, DMs, email, calls, hanging out, etc...put it all on pause. Better yet DELETE your social media apps. Yes that's right I said DELETE them! Make it easy for yourself! You can always reinstall them when your fast is done. Just don't go back to your old habits. STAY FREE.

The guys that you see face to face just keep interaction short. It's time to break that flirting habit and addiction to male attention ONCE AND FOR ALL! It's time to REFOCUS.

Yep. Text the guys you’ve been talking to and let them know you’re taking some quiet time for yourself so you won’t be in contact for a few weeks. You don’t even have to say anything about “fasting men”.Get comfortable just letting people know you’re taking time for you. Get used to not feeling obligated to always explain yourself and your boundaries. No is no. Even though this “no” may be just for  a season and for the purpose of resetting your focus and appetite for male attention it is still a "no". 

THIS IS IMPORTANT: get used to saying no to YOURSELF FIRST. Then saying no to men or any other addiction or habit will be easier.

Think about a child. If they would tell them self “no” to things they already knows they shouldn’t do you wouldn’t have to say anything to them. It’s the same for us as adults. We have to SELF discipline and SELF control then no one else has to do it for us. And more importantly we don't have to suffer the consequences of giving in to ourselves again.

Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit which means if you are a Christian woman who has received Jesus as your Lord and Savior you have the results or the "fruit" of His spirit living on the inside of you. There are seven fruits and one is SELF CONTROL. Develop this fruit. It’s in you by the Spirit. But like faith we have to grow exercise it and grow it.

Now, let me encourage all of my "nice girls" out there with this little tidbit: Men aren’t hurt by our “no” like we think they are. I used to feel this way when I used to struggle with this issue until I noticed a lot of men aren't hurt at all and they just move on to the next girl like I never existed! What is THAT?!?? Don't believe me? Tell the next man that tries to holler "no" and see what he does. I promise you he won't break down crying. Nope, it's on to the next because if you don't say yes maybe another woman will. So I said to myself "I might as well start valuing myself more and say no because clearly I’m a “dime a dozen” to a lot of these men that holler". Sucks but a lot of times it's true.

Value yourself.

Don’t be so easy to access. “Raise your fence.” (see my "Raise Your Fence" blog)

You know what else? A lot of men holler for selfish reasons. They’re not all genuinely interested in us. They’re interested in seeing if we are interested in THEM! I noticed this when I did a little experiment and I started paying attention to how men stare at you in traffic. A lot of men just want to see if you are looking at THEM more than they are looking at you for YOU! It’s the nature of lust. The “conquest” of how many women can I conquer.

You have to say “not me”.

Now let me say this, not ALL men are this way (Drop your stones fellas) but you have to be honest: a lot are. GOD will show you the one that is not and the one HE has prepared for you. In the meantime...fast to break the addiction.👍🏾

When I was working to overcome this lack of self control that I had it became a game for me to ignore men. Powerful!!! Because I used to be pulled by men so easily. Yes you see him in the car next to you. Don’t look! It’s a game and you win! I had to tell myself “I don’t NEED to look. I’m ok without looking. I don’t need his smile to make my day complete. I’m happy without his attention.” This is how I broke my addiction for male attention when me and Billy were separated and divorced for those six years. It helped me be celibate after being sexually active for 15 years as a single woman and then a wife.

Listen, I just want you to be free ONCE AND FOR ALL!!! And if you will exercise self-control you WILL be!

Blessings!