Maybe You Need to Fast from Men???

I've talked to a lot of different women about a lot of different issues and one that seems to come up often is the "need" for male attention. I was thinking about this this morning and a thought popped into my head: fast from men. Yep you read that right! If you are a woman that struggles with looking for and craving male attention maybe you need to FAST from men.

If you are a woman who deals with this issue I have a question for you: Have you ever taken time away from contact with men that are not family? Like no texting, calling, hanging out, flirting, etc? Of course men are everywhere but I mean communicating with them.
If not, I think it would be good for you. And this includes male friends. Or should I say "friends". Does the thought of doing this make you cringe? Yes? Then this blog post is for you my friend.

You may ask "how in the WORLD do I fast from men? They're everywhere!" I say, be creative! Just think of the ways you are in contact with them now and stop doing those things for a period of time. You may ask "what about my guy friends that I talk to on a regular basis? Should I just disappear on them? Is that right?" Welllll, maybe the ones that are genuinely "friends" deserve a "heads up" that you're taking some time for yourself  to refocus and that you won’t be in contact with them for “____” amount of time. Sound fair? Just don't allow them to talk you out of this commitment that you're making to yourself. No one will die if they don't talk to you for a few weeks. I promise!

So, what has been your contact of choice? Texting, Facebook, DMs, email, calls, hanging out, etc...put it all on pause. Better yet DELETE your social media apps. Yes that's right I said DELETE them! Make it easy for yourself! You can always reinstall them when your fast is done. Just don't go back to your old habits. STAY FREE.

The guys that you see face to face just keep interaction short. It's time to break that flirting habit and addiction to male attention ONCE AND FOR ALL! It's time to REFOCUS.

Yep. Text the guys you’ve been talking to and let them know you’re taking some quiet time for yourself so you won’t be in contact for a few weeks. You don’t even have to say anything about “fasting men”.Get comfortable just letting people know you’re taking time for you. Get used to not feeling obligated to always explain yourself and your boundaries. No is no. Even though this “no” may be just for  a season and for the purpose of resetting your focus and appetite for male attention it is still a "no". 

THIS IS IMPORTANT: get used to saying no to YOURSELF FIRST. Then saying no to men or any other addiction or habit will be easier.

Think about a child. If they would tell them self “no” to things they already knows they shouldn’t do you wouldn’t have to say anything to them. It’s the same for us as adults. We have to SELF discipline and SELF control then no one else has to do it for us. And more importantly we don't have to suffer the consequences of giving in to ourselves again.

Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit which means if you are a Christian woman who has received Jesus as your Lord and Savior you have the results or the "fruit" of His spirit living on the inside of you. There are seven fruits and one is SELF CONTROL. Develop this fruit. It’s in you by the Spirit. But like faith we have to grow exercise it and grow it.

Now, let me encourage all of my "nice girls" out there with this little tidbit: Men aren’t hurt by our “no” like we think they are. I used to feel this way when I used to struggle with this issue until I noticed a lot of men aren't hurt at all and they just move on to the next girl like I never existed! What is THAT?!?? Don't believe me? Tell the next man that tries to holler "no" and see what he does. I promise you he won't break down crying. Nope, it's on to the next because if you don't say yes maybe another woman will. So I said to myself "I might as well start valuing myself more and say no because clearly I’m a “dime a dozen” to a lot of these men that holler". Sucks but a lot of times it's true.

Value yourself.

Don’t be so easy to access. “Raise your fence.” (see my "Raise Your Fence" blog)

You know what else? A lot of men holler for selfish reasons. They’re not all genuinely interested in us. They’re interested in seeing if we are interested in THEM! I noticed this when I did a little experiment and I started paying attention to how men stare at you in traffic. A lot of men just want to see if you are looking at THEM more than they are looking at you for YOU! It’s the nature of lust. The “conquest” of how many women can I conquer.

You have to say “not me”.

Now let me say this, not ALL men are this way (Drop your stones fellas) but you have to be honest: a lot are. GOD will show you the one that is not and the one HE has prepared for you. In the meantime...fast to break the addiction.👍🏾

When I was working to overcome this lack of self control that I had it became a game for me to ignore men. Powerful!!! Because I used to be pulled by men so easily. Yes you see him in the car next to you. Don’t look! It’s a game and you win! I had to tell myself “I don’t NEED to look. I’m ok without looking. I don’t need his smile to make my day complete. I’m happy without his attention.” This is how I broke my addiction for male attention when me and Billy were separated and divorced for those six years. It helped me be celibate after being sexually active for 15 years as a single woman and then a wife.

Listen, I just want you to be free ONCE AND FOR ALL!!! And if you will exercise self-control you WILL be!

Blessings!

Quiet Time With God

So today is Day One of what we call at my church "Quiet Time With God". At the beginning of every year we take the month of January to turn off life's distractions and get quiet before God in prayer, fasting and worship. We do this in expectation that we will be able to hear God share what He has for us in the coming months. 

This year I am expecting God to do some BIG things!!! I'm excited about the album that I have coming out in a few weeks and I'm expecting Him to bless thousands of people with it! 

I'm excited about the two women's conferences I already have scheduled this year where I will get to minister in song and in teaching. One of them is back in Iowa where I'm from so I'm grateful for the opportunity to go back home to serve the women there. 

So God has already showed me some of the things that He has in store for me this year. But I know there's so much more! So I'm participating in Quiet Time With God because I know my life is very busy and "noisy" if I don't. And it can be hard to hear my own thought sometimes much less the still small voice of my Creator speaking to me. I want to know WHAT to sing at these events. I want to know where else He wants me to go. I want to know what He wants me to do for Him this year. I have a few things that I have been waiting years to see happen and I'm STILL in expectation that He can do them this year! So I'm getting quiet. I'm turning off the television, spending only an hour a week on social media and I'm doing the Daniel Fast Yep! No meat, sweets, bread or dairy for 21 days. I have to let my flesh know that I mean BUSINESS! 

How are you starting your 2018? What are you expecting God to do for you this year? What goals and dreams do you have for 2018? I'd love to hear all about them!

To learn more about Quiet Time With God you can visit QuietTimeWithGod.com. You can also worship and pray with us Monday through Thursday at noon until January 28th. 

Make 2018 great!

Stranded At Subway

I must say getting stuck at Subway today with no car, no money and no cell phone taught me quite a bit. Each moment that passed brought another thought reminding me that I am truly blessed because what I was experiencing as a two hour misfortunate situation was someone's daily life experience.

I got to the counter at the store only to realize that I didn't have my debit card on me so I ran out to my car to get it. Only to realize that not only did I not have my debit card but I also did not have my keys which were sitting on the floor inside of my locked car. Thank God I had my cell phone so I could text my husband to ask him to come pick me up. And thank God I was able to get a few texts and a response from him before, yep, my cell phone died.

So there I was without transportation, money or even the ability to phone a friend. I prayed that my husband had all of the information he needed to come rescue me and then walked into the Subway restaurant to settle in for a two hour wait.

I settled into one of the tables, sat my dead cell phone down on the table, put my elbows on the table and my chin in my hands. It wasn't so bad at first as I am a people watcher at heart. So I was entertained for about 15 minutes and then my stomach started to growl. It was lunch time and I had only had peanut butter and banana toast for breakfast. Any other day I would have walked confidently up to the counter and ordered a combo meal but not today. I sat there smelling the freshly baked bread and watched others sit and devour their meals.

I was reminded of the many times I had gone to Subway before and walked past a homeless person sitting out on the curb. Or even walked into the restaurant and found a homeless person sitting quietly with their bags at one of the tables. For me it was only two hours and help was on the way! For them this was an everyday situation.

If I'm honest, which I am, I secretly hoped someone would ask me why I was just sitting there so I could tell them my story and maybe, just maybe, someone would offer me a cookie but that wasn't my fate. Matter of fact not only did no one offer me anything but it was almost as if I was invisible! People would walk right past me and not even look my way. Amazing! No one "saw" me. It was as if I was not even there. No one cared what my name was, where I worked or where I lived. No one knew or cared about my new Single coming out on Friday. None of that mattered now. It was as if my whole identity and value to society was locked inside of that little red Pontiac Vibe GT sitting in the parking lot.

So I sat there. Wondering if anyone would see me and ask me my story. I thought about the millions of homeless people in the world. People who had names, families, lives lived before the day they became stranded on the streets. People with degrees, money, homes, cars, hobbies, gifts and callings. People that had stories to tell but no one to tell them to.

The day just seemed to be passing me by one slow minute after another. I didn't even know what time it was and wouldn't find out unless I humbled myself and asked one of the restaurant employees as she passed by me for the third time. To proud to even ask what time it was. Wow life has a way of humbling you. And asking "what time is it" is NOTHING compared to some of the things I can't even IMAGINE people living on the streets have to let go of pride to do.

I sat there and I thanked God.

I thanked God that I was even allowed to sit inside of the clean, air conditioned restaurant while I waited. If I hadn't "looked right" I may have been asked to leave. I could have been stranded out in the middle of no where in the heat of Phoenix, Arizona with no one to call and no place to go.

I thanked God because I had a husband on his way to pick me up. A husband that was thinking about me, concerned about me and loved me so he was on his way. A husband that wouldn't call me stupid or make me feel bad about my situation but would pull up any minute, buy me food and walk me to my car and let me in with his key. Hug me, kiss me and say "see you at home". How many homeless women dreamed of that happening every night?

I thanked God because I had a car, a comfortable, cute, sporty car with a full tank of gas and insurance sitting out in the parking lot with a purse holding a debit card with money on it and keys waiting for me. How many people wish they had a car to get locked out of? How many women wish they had a purse with a debit card and keys inside that belonged to them? How many people wish they had money in an account that they could access with the simple swipe of a debit card?

I thanked God because when I got in my car I was going to drive to my beautiful and comfortable home to get some rest before I headed to church for mid-week Bible Study and to fellowship with hundreds of people that know me by name and love me.

I was grateful.

When I saw my husband's shiny new car pull into the parking lot and he stepped out (looking GREAT by the way) it was as if everything went back to normal. I was someone again. Someone saw me. Someone knew who I was. Someone spoke to me. I was Angela. I was loved. I had a life to get back to. All of this was temporary. For me. But for someone else this was everyday life.

As I drove home I prayed. "Father, please wrap your arms of love around every homeless person. Let them know that YOU see them, that YOU care and that YOU will provide for them. Let them know that they have a purpose and you have a plan for their lives. Send someone to talk to them Lord. Send someone to ask 'do you need anything' and give them the humility to be honest and say 'yes I do'. Remind them that regardless of what they have or don't have they have a story. Send someone to ask and to listen so that they remember that they do exist and that they matter Thank You God for seeing us and knowing us. The same way that my situation turned around for me turn it around for them Lord. Make a way. Send someone looking for them with provision in their hands. . Thank You Lord. I will never forget how blessed I am. Thank You. In Jesus' name I pray, amen."